I recently received this question on Ask John:
“How do you keep the employer and employee dynamics when overtime the employee becomes a good friend? You want to maintain the separation but don’t want to lose the friendship.”
Excellent question and one that I think a lot of people struggle with at some point in their careers!
Because we spend so much time together with our employees it is inevitable that friendships will develop. We have a lot in common after all because we are working at the same place, doing similar jobs, having similar issues and frustrations. We often times feel the employee knows us, our feelings and our behaviors, and we depend on them for a sounding board.
One important thing you must keep in mind is that work friendships are usually just that; work friendships. It is often the case that the friendship will dissolve when the work relationship ends. After all, you no longer have that common bond, work.
The most important thing is to establish clear guidelines and expectations and to have firm roles established.
It is essential that you clearly establish the “after 5” rule. You know the saying “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”. It is the same in this situation. During work hours we work, we are Employer and Employee. After work hours we can be friends. As the Employer it is your responsibility to ensure that this rule is not broken. If you feel the employee has crossed the line during work hours you need to point that out. Just saying something like, “that was an after 5 comment,” will remind the employee that they have crossed over into forbidden territory.
I believe that an honest conversation needs to take place. You need to tell the employee that the relationship has developed to include friendship, but that first and foremost they remain an employee. The friendship has become a secondary benefit of the relationship, but for that benefit to continue the employee role needs to continue to be fulfilled.
I think that if this is shared openly and honestly with the employee they will appreciate the fact that they have also gained a friend, and will do everything possible as an employee to be able to maintain that friendship.
What do you think? Can Employer and Employee be Friends?
How do you keep the two situations separate?
Is it a good idea?
I invite you to post a comment and share your thoughts!
I agree that as we get a little older, many of our friends are actually based on relationships we’ve built at work. There are definitely pros and cons to employer/employee friendships.
If you can establish a work relationship that leads to an “after 5″ friendship because it’s based on trust and honesty; I believe you will actually end up getting more work out of that employee because s/he will work harder in order to please their boss and friend; AND ensure that no one will ever be able to say that their friendship allows them to “get away with sub par work”.
On the other hand it is absolutely necessary that guidelines are set and that both the emplyee and the employer do not allow their friendship to “muddy” the waters of their work relationship. The worst thing that could ever happen would be for that employee to never be reprimanded or held accountable as a result of his/her relationship with the boss and for other employees to notice it. It would lead to poor morale with others in the work environment and overall lower productivity in the workplace.
In the end it really depends on the individuals and the intregrity with which the situation is handled.
Cory hit on a good point, that it is the individuals that make each situation different. Mainly if we think of others as only associate’s/employee’s/staff members and not as a friend or human with feelings, that can lead to problems. It is nice to have the touch to understand when and if that line needs to be drawn. Not everyone has that gift, but feeling that you would not ask someone to do something your wouldn’t do or haven’t done, really can make a difference.