I recently received this question on Ask John:

“How do you keep the employer and employee dynamics when overtime the employee becomes a good friend? You want to maintain the separation but don’t want to lose the friendship.”

Excellent question and one that I think a lot of people struggle with at some point in their careers!

Because we spend so much time together with our employees it is inevitable that friendships will develop. We have a lot in common after all because we are working at the same place, doing similar jobs, having similar issues and frustrations.  We often times feel the employee knows us, our feelings and our behaviors, and we depend on them for a sounding board.

One important thing you must keep in mind is that work friendships are usually just that; work friendships.  It is often the case that the friendship will dissolve when the work relationship ends.  After all, you no longer have that common bond, work.

The most important thing is to establish clear guidelines and expectations and to have firm roles established.

It is essential that you clearly establish the “after 5” rule.  You know the saying “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”. It is the same in this situation.  During work hours we work, we are Employer and Employee. After work hours we can be friends. As the Employer it is your responsibility to ensure that this rule is not broken.  If you feel the employee has crossed the line during work hours you need to point that out.  Just saying something like, “that was an after 5 comment,” will remind the employee that they have crossed over into forbidden territory.

I believe that an honest conversation needs to take place. You need to tell the employee that the relationship has developed to include friendship, but that first and foremost they remain an employee.  The friendship has become a secondary benefit of the relationship, but for that benefit to continue the employee role needs to continue to be fulfilled.

I think that if this is shared openly and honestly with the employee they will appreciate the fact that they have also gained a friend, and will do everything possible as an employee to be able to maintain that friendship.

What do you think? Can Employer and Employee be Friends?

How do you keep the two situations separate?

Is it a good idea?

I invite you to post a comment and share your thoughts!